Just a spectator

Do you ever feel like you're just a spectator to your own life? That's kind of how I feel sometimes.

I feel myself questioning my decisions, what I'm doing, and my general happiness. I wonder if I gave up too much just to have a non traditional career, and not enough reward. I've been at my job for six months, and already I feel disconnected from the world. it's exhausting being the opposite from everyone else.. only being able to stay an hour at a dance, if I can go at all, not being able to reset at night and be up early in the morning. The repetition.. day after day, same thing... bread dough bread dough and more bread dough.

If it was just easy enough to say, "Here are my guidelines of how I want to be successful" and then have it be true. I suppose if we could all say that than there wouldn't be so many struggling artists in the world, and there would certainly be a shortage of restaurant waitstaff.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, baking in my kitchen, when I want, and what I want, is what makes me happy. Maybe if it turned into something I had to do, it wouldn't be so much fun, and maybe you can't be a millionaire by just having a really awesome food blog, but I kind of wish it was.

Life is too short to just be a spectator. I want to do something. Something that sets me apart from the rest.

Maybe I'll figure it out tomorrow, or the next day, or maybe I'll spend the rest of my life trying to figure it out... I'm not sure. If nothing else, I'm hopeful.